I love the morning light in our back room. Riley really is as soft as he looks. I love that he has his ears turned out so he can hear better, and I especially love his muddy nose and paws. He looks so much like a puppy, it's hard to believe he's nearly 10.
I know that my dog is visually impaired, but I hesitate to use the word ‘blind’ because he really does navigate this world as if he’s partially sighted. He gets around the house just fine and doesn’t have any trouble in the yard either. He even trots and runs and moves his head around as if he’s going places and looking at things. But then he’ll do something when we’re away from home, like walk into a wall, which he did at the Vet’s last summer when she was telling me that he was blind and I was insisting that he was not. Or we’ll drop something on the floor for him and he won’t be able to find it, (unless it’s really smelly). Those things challenge my denial. Yesterday we came into the house through the back room. The portion of the room leading to the kitchen door is narrow, with a high ceiling, a small window and a short set of steps. The light through the window was amazing. Riley looked like a 1940's movie star. I pulled out my phone to snap a photo and called his name so he would look at me. Instead of looking at me, he looked up at the wall to my right. I looked up at the wall assuming that he saw movement, like a bat or large insect, but nothing was there. I called his name again, this time with some kisses, and again he looked up at the wall. I looked at the wall again as well, and this time I saw it. My shadow was large and clear on the wall, thrown by the same amazing light that made me want to take Riley’s picture. My voice must have also been bouncing off the wall because when I called his name a third time he cupped his ears and wiggled and looked up at the giant shadow again, thinking it was me. So, my dog is blind. Here is photo proof. He thinks he’s looking at me, ten feet up the wall. He’s still beautiful, and isn’t the light amazing? Riley moves through his life with such an unexpected grace sometimes that no one knows he’s disabled. He lives more courageously than I can imagine.
Today is D-Day. This can be a hard day for veterans and their families for lots of reasons, including all the documentaries and movies that will be on TV all day. Triggers, triggers, triggers. And I know a thing or two about triggers and PTSD since my whole day is spent trying to manage my fear and anxiety. So turn off your TV, eat some really good food, and curl up with someone who loves you, which includes your dog, obviously. Those things always help me. If those things aren't enough, then call the Veteran's Crisis Line, the number is on my bandana. (We learned this morning that the bandana is a trigger for me too, that's why its not around my neck in the picture.) My mom says there are really nice people there who will help, and she should know since she is one of them.
Sometimes I feel better when I lick my feet, or take a poop, or drag my nose through the grass. You could try that too. Do whatever you need to do to keep yourself and the people around you safe today. Thank you for your service. Riley, the Valiant and Courageous We finally had a few hot and sunny days, so Riley got a bath. He had quite a case of doggy ‘bed head’ from snoozing in his bed so much, so the bath really freshened him up. It was an ordeal, he’s really not keen on being handled like this, but we made it a family affair and he was able to tolerate it. There was some shaking, but no struggle. Riley has become intolerant of being brushed and having his nails clipped, two things that didn’t bother him at all when he first arrived. Our thinking is that he’s never liked these things and as he’s become more able to express himself and his needs, he’s now able to let us know.
We have found a groomer locally who will clip his nails for us, and even says that we can walk in whenever we want without an appointment. It is wonderful to meet helpful people who understand about Riley, about how some days he’s just not going to get into the car, and other days he’ll be fine with it. She’ll be flexible because she knows that’s how Riley needs it. Someone asked me why we don’t just muzzle Riley and clip his nails ourselves. The answer is totally selfish. I don’t want Riley to associate me with anything that is scary or uncomfortable. It’s taken us over a year to get this far, and I don’t want a scary nail clipping to undo all of our progress. So Riley is all clean and fresh and shiny this week. He is trotting around the yard like a puppy, letting us know he feels like a million bucks. I love that he likes being clean because before his rescue he didn’t know that feeling. I love that he stood strong and let us really scrub him, even though he was shaking with fear a few times. I especially love how soft and silky he feels right now. Now if I could only get him on the couch so that I could take a nap with my soft and silky dog…. |
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